Stream of Consciousness

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS- Legends of the Fall: On lots of hair, fighting bears and sad Jesus

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Stream Of Consciousness is a segment dedicated to the mind ramblings we all have whilst watching movies.

  • Why does this guy look so familiar
  • Oh my god it’s the kid from E.T.!
  • He’s bringing his fiancé with really big curly hair home to meet his family
  • Here comes Brad Pitt in all his blonde long-haired 90s glory and prime

1

  • “So this is Tristan” Susannah girl you totally dig Tristan way more with his wind-tossed ponytail and riding horses and randomly fighting bears in the woods
  • Three brothers wrestling too much testosterone
  • Oh and now the other brother likes her too of course…this epic love..square?
  • This singing is really creepy and childlike I don’t see why a couple should be performing this
  • Here comes a virginity talk. Of course Brad Pitt’s character isn’t a virgin and knows “how to fuck”, he’s rugged and dirty and knows the way of the land
  • Obviously the other brother is still a virgin with that bad haircut

2

  • So Samuel just decided after reading ONE NEWSPAPER to go fight in the war
  • “Hey I know you’re here meeting my family for the first time and we had these big plans to get busy before our wedding because we are so passionate, but I think instead I’m going leave you in the middle of nowhere with my dad you just met to go fight in WWI despite having no experience with anything.”
  • The other brothers are like ok we will also go because you are so dumb that you need two brothers to protect your ass.
  • Gurl you are getting way too close to Brad he may be a sexy cowboy but your fiancé is in the OTHER ROOM
  • Awwkwardd the other brother saw them
  • So now they’re at war… Samuel runs off and is somehow alone in this field being like “What do I do? I am in the war but I’m scared! Wahhh!  I am a lost child moron!” Happy you made that spur of the moment completely idiotic decision now?
  • Brad Pitt is really sad and going crazy. He’s gone from loving brother to full on sociopath in 30 seconds, great character development, writers. I guess it’s their bad attempt of portraying Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder??

3

  • Now the brother is back home and moving in on Samuel’s- his dead brother’s!- fiancé “Well, you’re the only girl around here, your fiancé is dead, can we get together now?”
  • But she is not about that because we all know who she’s waiting for…
  • … annndd here comes Brad Pitt riding triumphantly with his hair blowing in the breeze
  • Look at that nail bite!!! You so want him. You know she’s secretly happy she doesn’t have to marry that man-child Samuel

4

  • And now they’re doing it. That didn’t take long
  • This is literally the most hair that’s been involved in sexual intercourse ever.
  • Alfred is like fuck, you stole my chick, I’m just gonna leave and go to the city where I can instantly become successful because I am a white male in the early 20thcentury and I can do whatever I want.
  • But Brad Pitt has to leave her to go live of the land and grow a beard? He’s sad now not just insane.
  • He looks like a sad Jesus

5

  • So now Brad’s gone she’s going to marry the other brother. Oookay…
  • And now he’s back but she’s gone. Glad you abandoned your wife to sort out your poorly tacked on crisis.
  • Hair.

6

  • Oh my god he’s going to marry the Indian girl like she had said in the beginning when she was a kid!!
  • I kind of like them better together they’re so cute and he’s always been like one of them anyway
  • Oooh you know Susannah is bitter about that
  • OH MY GOD WHAT?! THEY SHOT HIS WIFE? THEY LOOKED SO HAPPY AND THEN HAD SUCH CUTE BABIES WHAT IS THIS MOVIE DOING THEY WERE TOGETHER FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES STOP THIS IS AWFUL
  • Is this a convenient way to get Brad and Susannah back?
  • WAIT IS SHE GOING TO DIE TOO NOW? IS SHE KILLING HERSELF? Guess she did…
  • Wait I’m confused is this Brad Pitt as an old man I can’t even see who this is
  • He’s fighting a bear in slow-motion and this slow-motion is so embarrassing and cheesy looking I hate when movies use this
  • “It was a good death”. You said it so blandly it didn’t seem all that great
  • What an over the top 90s soap opera romance

 

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